Algedonic by R.h. Sin (Notes)

Algedonic by R.h. Sin (Notes)

◆ Pain - Chaos

▪ you’re fighting for him

and he’s fighting you

that’s not love

▪ as children

we’re told to wait

for someone special

but no one ever teaches us

what special i

▪ i blame your mother

for not building

your self-esteem

and encouraging you

to be a queen

i blame your father

for not loving you enough

to keep you from

searching for a love

in men who couldn’t

love you

▪ the most dangerous anger

is the one that lingers

in silence

it sits

it stays 

it lives

in solitude

it wants to be alone

it dwells within me

▪ a man who apologizes

for things he’ll never stop doing

doesn’t love you

he doesn’t deserve you

▪ silence is a language 

that does not need words

▪ i thought i needed you

until i realized

that you never deserved me

▪ the hardest part is forgiving people

who were never truly sorry

▪ who were you

before your first love

turned hopeful to despair 

who were you

before the disappointment

back when you used to care

who were you

within your innocence

before they robbed you

of your smile

who are you in this moment

you haven’t been yourself

for a while

who were you, who are you

the questions for the soul

who were you, who are you

what makes you feel whole



▪ there is pain

a deep pain

in the idea

of good people

wasting the best parts

of themselves

on people

who are never

good to them

▪ bounded by blood

ruined by hatred

sometimes family

feels like the enemy

sometimes family

starts the war

▪ they love you

until they leave you

then miss you

when you’ve moved on

▪ they force you to shut down

then judge you for not opening up

▪ they only miss you

when you stop missing them

they only want you

when you’re wanting

someone better

▪ her father was the first man

to half love her

her father was the first man

to let her down

her father taught her

to love men

who would always 

make her feel

as if she wasn’t good enough

her father’s version of love

was the love she accepted

from men who couldn’t

love her correctly



▪ i’m lost

and i just want

to meet myself again

▪ the abandonment is abuse

you can’t keep loving people

who choose to hurt you

▪ a father’s rejection

damages the soul 

of young girls

all the way into the pits

of adulthood

▪ he destroyed her wings

then punished her

for not knowing how to fly

▪ i ache

from the weight

of all the sadness

in my heart

▪ the wind whispered her name

the sky turned gray in her absence

the rain began to fall

as if to symbolize some type of sadness

it could be day

and yet she felt like the night

collapsing into herself

until she felt nothing

numb to the pain

that once slept in her soul

i think maybe she’s hurting 

or possibly learning

to forgive herself

because in the rebuilding

of the heart

it must first be broken

in order to discover peace

you must first suffer ill emotions

◆ Pleasure - Peace

▪ sometimes 

you’re better off alone

there is peace

in being away

from it all

▪ i leave holes

in those i leave behind

an emptiness they can’t fill

because i am irreplaceabl

▪ if she chooses you

like no one else matters

hold on to her

and never let her go

▪ you are the tomorrow

that i can’t wait to get to

▪ could we dance to the silence

could we move to the tunes

that live only in our heads

▪ the light lives with you

you bring the light

wherever you go

▪ to the girls

with wild hearts

may your souls

remain free

▪ drown them with your tears

sink them to the bottom

then walk away from that river

of despair 



▪ the girl with the broken soul

became the woman

with the strongest heart



▪ you’ll be missed

you’ll be the one thing

they’ll never forget

and their biggest regret

will be losing you

▪ be wild

be loyal

be loyal

be wild

▪ you are the most interesting thing

occurring here on earth

don’t let them make you feel

as if you are ordinary

you are not



▪ so many souls are undeserving

of your trust

be careful

▪ leave behind anything or anyone

who stresses your heart out

▪ real love is athletic

it runs without fatigue

▪ she bridged the gap

between heartache and strength

she turned her sadness into power

▪ then darkness

then light

then chaos

then peace

then sadness

then joy

▪ the girl thought to be broken

was actually healing herself

they saw sadness in her eyes

but she knew all along

that the sadness would fade

just as long as she kept fighting

so she fought

▪ look inward

for the things

they refuse

to give you

▪ sustain yourself

do not rely on weak souls

to help you remain strong

on your own

you are mighty

▪ do you hear yourself

can you hear your own voice

over the silence

that dwells within you 

the quiet vibrance 

that is your soul

the brilliant chaos 

that is your mind

you’ve been fighting for so long

engaging in wars that no one sees

you’ve been at war with yourself

wishing, hoping for more peace

▪ some of the peace 

we search for

will always dwell

within our own heart

start there . . .

search there . . .