Whiskey Words & a Shovel II by R. h. Sin (Notes)
our absence taught me
how to live without you
time away taught me
to find peace
in being alone
human flaw.
we hide behind the human
condition
of making mistakes
using imperfection as an excuse
to hurt those who love us
expecting things to go back
to how they once were
after apologizing
reminders.
you kill your future
by mourning the past
stop leaving the door
open
for someone
who no longer
deserves a key
it was in that moment that I’d do
anything to watch you crawl in
pain
it was in that moment that I’d do
anything to make you feel the
way I did
but then I realized that the best
revenge would be to become
more of everything you failed to
appreciate, everything you’d
one day search for after the
world had its way with you
and when you returned
I’d be gone
enjoying myself, happy and
peaceful with someone stronger
than you were
life is too short to lose sleep
over a living nightmare
I know you love him but you
have to love yourself more
see, anyone not willing to
respect what you feel
is not worthy of any type of
emotional response
it’s hard, it’s always been
difficult
but I just think we’re
looking for the type of love
that doesn’t destroy us in the
end
the type of love that helps us
evolve and grow
it’s important to realize that this
type of love is only attainable
once self-love is achieved
◆ losing to gain.
▪ losing to gain.
we lose things to gain more and
sometimes what we lose isn’t a
loss
in time, your heart will heal
in time, your heart will be ready
once more but only for someone
who is ready for you
◆ love and lies.
▪ love and lies.
your detailed text messages
his one-worded response
you make yourself available
but he never finds the time
you’re always calling first
he refuses to call at all
but you’re stuck
because you fell
he claimed to love you
but in fact he didn’t fall
◆ different, yet the same.
▪ different person
same bullshit
◆ resolutions.
▪ changing for the better
ready for something better
◆ reality.
▪ eality.
you’re unhappy
you’ve been feeling neglected
you’ve been taken for granted
and yet you still find ways and
or create several excuses as to why
you stay
in reality
you’ve been holding on
to nothing
so if in this moment
you decided to walk away
you’d lose them
and at the same time
you’d lose nothing
you’d gain peace
you’d lose them
yet find yourself
◆ my scars.
▪ these scars
remind me that I survived
everything meant to
destroy me
◆ your mistakes.
▪ don’t beat yourself up
for being too good
for them
don’t be so hard on yourself
for choosing someone
incapable of appreciating
everything that you are
sometimes you have to
choose badly
in order
to be able to identify
what is good for you
◆ release.
▪ sometimes the only way
to empty yourself of a person
is to shed tears
◆ forget not.
▪ never forget the people who
made you feel as if your best
wasn’t good enough
never forget the way they
mistreated you while you gave
them what was considered your
all
◆ soul relatable.
▪ and to the women
who wake up tired emotionally
restless during the night
unable to sleep
drained both physically and
mentally
smiling in an effort to hold back
the tears
you are beautiful
you are good enough
you are strong
you are survivors
◆ 3:33 p.m.
▪ they only treat you
how they feel
about themselves
◆ often off, my emotional switch.
▪ I’ve always given myself in
small doses and sometimes
nothing at all
careful not to share the best
parts of myself with someone
who could turn out to be the
wrong person
protective in terms of my heart
and soul
understanding that most of the
people I meet will fall short of
my expectations
and so I’ve learned to expect
nothing
sometimes my emotional switch
remains off
you can’t get hurt if you feel
nothing
◆ survival.
▪ you can’t force something to be
more than what it should
sometimes the people we love
can’t comprehend what we feel
and there will be times where
you’ll have to walk away from
the very person whom you’d do
anything for
it’s not giving up
it’s simply survival
and I hope it’s you who survives
◆ drown.
▪ overwhelmed by a sea of
emotions
sometimes you have to drown
to learn how to swim
◆ sadly.
▪ sadly, one of the hardest
loves to find is the love
your heart deserves
◆ yes, you.
▪ yes, you.
you deserve to be someone’s
only choice
◆ emotional CPR.
▪ emotional CPR.
we try our hardest to force life
into things that must die and
that’s what hurts the most
◆ in search of heaven.
▪ love doesn’t feel pure anymore
it’s become all about what we
can do for each other in terms of
physical pleasure and often
defined by material
▪ searching for a love that
resembles heaven
yet somehow we end up in hell
◆ forgiveness.
▪ I’m still trying to forgive myself
for all the things I failed to
become
I’m still trying to make peace
with all the broken pieces of my
past
◆ self-blame.
▪ maybe we should write more
articles that help encourage self-
love instead of self-blame
maybe that’s the cure
maybe self-love leads to
choosing a man capable
of reciprocating everything
she’s willing to share
◆ harsh reality.
▪ it’s the harsh reality of falling in
love with the surface
and unexpectedly having to face
the truth in who most people
really are
◆ good vibes only.
▪ good vibes only.
give silence to negativity
understand that those who wish
to harm you in any way
and or disrupt your peace
don’t deserve the energy
it takes to respond
to their actions
you’re valuable
stop engaging with those
who can’t afford you
◆ strength.
▪ strength.
truth is
you’re not okay
but you will be
you’ll hold on
but you’ll let go
it’ll be difficult
but you’ll do it
you’re feeling weak
but be strong
◆ one hell of a woman.
▪ one hell of a woman.
she couldn’t be tamed,
rebellious lover
refusing to settle for less than
she deserved
there’s this fire that burns within
her
the type which could never be
put out as she used it to light her
own path
she, unchained and free, willing
to push the envelope and rip it
open if she had to
strong in every sense of the
word
valuable even when others fail
to notice
one hell of a woman to fall for
one hell of a woman indeed
◆ sent, text message.
▪ sent, text message.
you either be consistent
or become nonexistent
◆ painful truth.
▪ painful truth.
I’ve come to realize
that those who smile the most
usually shed the most tears
in secret
and those who laugh the
hardest
are usually the ones who cry the
loudest
◆ 2013.
▪ a life spent
with someone who constantly
hurts you
is like death
from womb to tomb
some people spend most
of their lives
either surviving heartache
or dying from the weight
of emotional distress
◆ the rules.
▪ the rules.
respect her mind
feed her soul
protect her peace
guard her heart
◆ over and gone.
▪ I no longer seek closure
no more bitterness
and my heart is no
longer cold
for I have found the
love
you were incapable of
providing
and I have found
warmth
in the arms of someone
better
◆ interlude for the survivor.
▪ interlude for the survivor.
the pain means you’re alive
the scars mean
you’ve always survived
◆ misinterpreted love.
▪ Maybe I thought that those three
words would extend the
moments that we’ve
already experienced with each
other. You uttered them to me
with ease without a speech,
simply straight to the point,
making it easier to comprehend.
Now as I sit here with just a
memory of how it was, I
realize that those three words
meant nothing to you but
everything to me.
◆ love of self.
▪ love of self.
you belong to you
sometimes your soul mate
is yourself
and everything
you’ve been searching for
can be found
deep within your own soul
◆ a time of love.
▪ a time of love.
thank you for seeing
the stars within my soul
when all I saw was pain
scars and darkness
◆ too much.
▪ too much.
too tired to sleep
too hurt to start over
too depressed to say a word
I’ve been there
it gets better
just give it time
◆ an outdated love.
▪ you’re in love with
an outdated version of how
things were
you’re attached to an idea
that no longer exists
this is what happens
when those we usually avoid
pretend to be everything
we’ve always wanted
◆ too late.
▪ too late.
no one misses you until you
walk away
no one appreciates you until
you’re gone
no one understands this until
you’ve given up on waiting for
things to get better
no one listens until silence is the
only thing left
◆ encouragement IV.
▪ a woman’s value is not
validated by her ability to attract
and or keep a man
◆ loveless.
▪ loveless.
loveless relationships
cause people to love less
that’s the problem
with being hurt
you avoid love
altogether out of fear
of more hurt
◆ heavy heart.
▪ heavy heart.
every day
a war zone
you’re constantly fighting
for your own sanity
in search of peace
smiling instead of crying
laughing instead of breaking
down
you deserve a break
this night is yours
tonight your heavy heart
deserves the light
◆ moving on.
▪ moving on.
I walked away
I moved on
not out of hatred for you
but for love of self
the more you respect yourself
the less likely you are
to hold on to someone
who fails to appreciate you
people deciding to not show up
is the reason
I decide to go missing
◆ fraudulent emotions.
▪ sadly, we’ve become a
generation
content with being in love
with a love that isn’t real
◆ hell here.
▪ hell on earth will always be
trying to maintain a relationship
with someone who is too weak
to remain loyal to the idea of a
forever with you
◆ women like you.
▪ I think women with a wall up
are at times
the ones who love the hardest
and it’s women like that
I find the most attractive
flaws and all
there’s still magic in her eyes
cracked, sometimes shattered
but there’s still value
within her heart
◆ awake.
▪ awake.
but sometimes
nightmares occur
while we’re awake
and sometimes those nightmares
come in the form
of those we love
◆ loyal.
▪ loyal.
I’m too loyal
to myself
to entertain anyone
who can’t remain loyal to me
◆ the lesson.
▪ the lesson.
not everyone you love
will stay
not everyone you trust
will be loyal
some people only exist
as examples of what to avoid
◆ her interlude.
▪ why we stay.
that’s the problem
instead of using our strength
to let go
we’d rather hold on
to what was
ignore what it’s become
while destroying
what it should’ve been
we want so badly to be loved
by those filled with hatred
we continuously search for
peace
where only chaos lives
◆ self-care.
▪ betrayal makes the heart fragile
handle yourself with care
◆ the emptiness.
▪ the emptiness.
you just get so damn empty
sharing yourself for the sake of
keeping them interested
giving them your all and yet
they act as if it’s nothing
▪ this is for all the thank-yous
you deserve but rarely get
this is for all the moments
when you grow tired of the
bullshit
this is for the drama
that looks for you
this is for anything, anyone,
or anybody who plans on
stressing you
may they continue to fail
or fall beneath you
where they belong
there is strength
beneath your surface
there is love in your heart
and there is patience
in your soul
you are and will forever remain
stronger than the things
or those who come against you
◆ no chance.
▪ ask yourself
why you miss me
and you’ll understand
why I’ll never let you back in
◆ weaknesses.
▪ their inability to remain faithful
to your loyalty
is a reflection of their own
emotional handicap
and has nothing to do with you
stop blaming yourself for their
weaknesses
and start preserving your energy
for someone who is strong
enough to reciprocate the love
within your heart
◆ we.
▪ we.
we run out of second chances
we get tired of excuses
we get tired of being taken for granted
we get tired of arguing
we get tired of making an effort
we get tired of losing sleep
we get tired of entertaining the
bull
even good people with big
hearts
who love hard have their limits
◆ the wrong lover.
▪ constantly, we find ourselves
torn
between holding on to the
possibilities of change
and realizing that what we
hoped for was just a dream sold
by yet another soul too cold to
make good on empty promises
and a love that never actually
existed
◆ decisions.
▪ you can’t help who you love
but you do decide
who has the potential
to be loved by you
◆ avoidance.
▪ you are rare
I mean
there’s something
inside you
that can’t be found elsewhere
avoid anyone who treats you
like you’re ordinary
avoid anyone incapable
of seeing what
you’ve always seen
in yourself
◆ warrior heart.
▪ she has the mind-set
of royalty
and the heart
of a warrior
she is everything
all at once and too much
for anyone who
doesn’t deserve her
she is you
she’s always been you
◆ deserving.
▪ she wasn’t being needy
she was simply in
search
of everything she
deserved
◆ choosing yourself.
▪ choosing yourself.
walking away
doesn’t mean you stop caring
for those you’ve distanced
yourself from
sometimes you come to the
realization
that it’s time to take care
of you and sometimes
that means leaving
behind people
who stopped giving a damn
about you
◆ the woman.
▪ the woman.
I’ve been searching for you
the woman with a past
deserving of a better future
the woman who knows
how it feels to have her
heart broken
left alone to piece
herself back together
the woman with the type of love
that most men fail to
comprehend
the woman who knows
the true meaning of loneliness
betrayal and deceit
that woman deserves to be loved
and I’d like to be the one
to reciprocate what she’s
been brave enough to share
you are not your past
and I’d like to be a part
of your future
◆ that fear.
▪ that fear.
the fear of not being good
enough makes you try harder
for those
who aren’t good enough for
you
◆ be patient.
▪ be patient.
if you’re brave enough to let it
die
you’ll find new life
in something beautiful
with someone
willing to treat you better
and the patience
you’ve invested
into the wrong people
is just enough
to preserve your heart
for the one who deserves it
◆ magic.
▪ magic.
one day someone will look at
you with magic in their eyes
because that’s what you are
◆ emotional reaction.
▪ emotional reaction.
more and more I’m learning
that I have complete control
over my reaction to the actions
of others
and I refuse to allow myself
to provide an emotional reaction
to those who are not worthy
of my energy
I refuse to be broken
by those who have always
been too weak to stand beside me
I refuse to be torn down
by those who sit below me
◆ now.
▪ now.
it’s time to take the love he
could never appreciate and give
it to yourself
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