Off the loop

Off the loop

I'm feeling exhausted to even care. Even if it is family. If there's a thing that I learned recently on the internet (podcasts) is that I need to address NOW what issues that needed to be solved before it could consume me later on.

Recently, I find myself pessimistic and negative and toxic that when I look in the mirror I find not liking myself. I don't even know if it is what they call compassion fatigue or just I am that burned out. I even confided a coworker that I find myself having lesser patience and tolerance to people given that we were in an industry in which patience is essential. That is why I try to shift that energy to focus on to something more productive. But consistently listening to what people say to me is throwing me off the loop. I don't feel good about myself emotionally today and making comparison to the thing I'm not knowledgeable of to others is a button that hit hard. It may sound to you that it's just a joke, but to me it's not. To you I'm a being childish. But let me put you in my shoes, if I am going to compare you to others which you have a tendency to do, how would you feel? I bet you will feel sensitive right now.

Or maybe I'm not doing it right. Maybe I'm the one who needs to change her perspective. One thing that I know is that I need to manage my emotions. 

One thing is for sure, I'm fucking tired of listening to other people's drama. True, we need someone to at least vent out our frustrations with and tell our stories. But I'm exhausted taking crap from others while not even addressing my own.

It's been what, less than three decades? I'm ending this one-sided relationship first and foremost.