Dark Blue skies

Still looming into the darkness, And the weather just makes it more blue. Just f*cking great.

I've come to love to sleep. And sleep. And sleep a little more. And sleep all day. And wish I would never wake up.

Endless sufferings. Unappreciated. No one gives a f*ck. Lost. Wandering soul. Where should I go next?

Why? Why am I always in a constant struggle?  I admit having little mishaps as a child and as a teen growing up, but I never rebelled. Because I want to be good, I always look out to the good in others. I tried my utmost best to be good even no one is watching as I know it is the right thing to do but I guess I was f*cked up big time by the ruthless world of reality full of bullshits. I'm naive. I'm a little slow. I don't know how to play the game.

Suicide. Of course. I've thought about it a lot of times. I think I won't now because every time I thought about it, I can't visualize how. If I did so, maybe there's a higher chance I would. I still hold on to the belief that life is not to be taken as there are others fighting for their own. But it hurts. It hurts even more. And that it's just easier to escape.

Tears. Tears are for crying. Crying is therapeutic however taken as weak. Show your weakness and lost their respect. And there it goes down the drain.

I tried to be accommodating for people but somehow I always felt alone in the end. I felt I'm treated just as an option. I felt that I'm like some ornament just their to fill their ego.

I'm f*cking tired, I felt like I'm being helpless which frustrates me the most. I don't have anything.

And there it goes. The dark blue skies. Rain then pours.