Young, Wild (insert line) and Free

Young, Wild (insert line) and Free

I miss my younger self. If I could turn back time, it would be specifically back when I was in elementary to high school. In that phase of my life, I hadn't had a clue on what will things will turn out to be though I was keen on finishing my studies as my end goal despite what was happening. And I did. I thought I was bolder at that time. I was trying out things which are out of my comfort zone. I tried auditioning for a singing audition and my voice cracked out of nervousness. I was embarrassed but I tried again in the next 3 years but did not qualify. I tried joining a sportsfest pageant and did not win. But whatever the results turned out to be, I didn't regret that I did. When I looked back, I just wished I was a little bit more confident. 

I had this tendency to hold back myself. I know that. It was then an acquaintance who brought it up during a random conversation why I was holding back myself. Then I pondered on it. Then I later realized why. Because I need to have that safe space where I wouldn't worry. How could I break away and build up on my self-esteem when I felt that all I had growing up was a constant NO to things? It was the thing which I was constantly accustomed to, a NO to almost all things.

I also had my fair share of disappointments on people. Sometimes the greatest dissatisfaction will be in the hands of the teachers you respected or parents or someone that you idolized. I want to blame someone so badly but then I've came to realize that they are still human after all. When you grow up, you'll see that the one you're idolizing isn't perfect and has his demons to conquer every single day. You have your problems, and they are yours alone to conquer.

If I'm not as bold as my younger self, hopefully in the next few years I'll emerge as someone bolder. Embarking a new journey, I don't know what the future will bring but, BRING IT ON!